omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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