I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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