He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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