I've blown a few things in my day
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
