so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
