Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
