i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
