i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
