how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize