Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
