I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
