Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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