It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
