did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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