I want you more than these girls want KFC
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize