the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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