Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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