Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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