he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
as a side note pls kill me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
