The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm too high and old for this...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
