Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
