I heard we made out
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
