i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
