Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she woke up with a sticky ear
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
