so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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