i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
