I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Vodka?
Forever.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
