bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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