did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
