you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
