My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
