Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
