We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
