Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
