An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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