it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
