Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
