My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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