Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
