Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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