new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
