Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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