they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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