I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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