the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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