oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
