Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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