Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
