I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
