we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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