just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize