OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
