She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
