Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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