Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
