Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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