Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In other news, I just burned my penis
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
