you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
