he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
