Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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