he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize