This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
no, he came in my armpit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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