I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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