Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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