if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
