would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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