I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
