we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
