Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
