Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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