Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
