so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
