Cold hands, warm shart.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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