1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
