O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
