ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
