the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
