I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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