i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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