Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
