margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
