youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
