he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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