he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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