i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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