Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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