absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
