I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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